Popagandhi

When M. and I both got the chance to move abroad and start new, but separate (if temporary) lives, we started Fortylove.tv to make the best out of two exciting but disparate cities: London, Dubai. Both are cosmopolitan cities. One had a long history, remarkable culture, and was a major world city. Another was desert until 20 years ago, yet rose convincingly from the sand to try to be a major world city. Both, quite notably, had made it simple — and cheap — to gain access to the countries in their respective regions through their low cost carriers. We saw in this an opportunity to go, as my father would say, gallivanting around Europe, the Middle East and India; sometimes together, mostly on our own. We’re talking about US$10 return tickets to Barcelona, US$100 tickets to Istanbul and Sana’a, and that’s after picking from the very difficult list of places like Paris, Valencia, Fez, Marseille, Brussels (for her); Athens, Casablanca, Beirut, Damascus, Cairo, and more, for me.

Ryanair, Easyjet, flydubai, AirArabia, and the like, really did for us in those parts of the world what AirAsia did for us here.

Another little known reason why we started Fortylove.tv: it was our excuse to travel more, do more silly things, meet (and befriend) interesting people. I was particularly interested in making the effort to get the most out of my Dubai experience. That sounds simple enough, but in reality it was quite difficult. In a city like that it was too easy to be immersed in working, partying, and… more working and partying. Many people move to Dubai with the idea that they will see more of the Middle East. Many of them never get around to doing it; it’s too easy to just stay put in the city of fast cars, bright lights, gleaming towers. The fast cars, gaudy architecture and bright lights did nothing for me except make me feel sick. I did not like Dubai very much; I still don’t. I needed to discover the real, gritty bits of a city that wasn’t trying to be something else. I found that in the back streets of Deira and Bur Dubai, in neighbouring Abu Dhabi; in the Friday khushti wrestling matches at the fish market and the freshly baked Afghan breads, in the camel races on weekends. And in the haunting strains of Middle Eastern hiphop.

I went in search of Middle Eastern hiphop but came away wanting to know more about the deeper issues behind their music. It was political, yes, but intense, raw, and ultimately touching. It was very, very good (check out DAM Palestine and The Narcicyst for a start, if you’re interested). The pressing issues weren’t about sex, women, guns or bling, but about ideas such as identity, ‘homelessness’, displacement, exile, war, oppression. Whether or not you agree with their message (a pertinent one that cannot be ignored any longer), it’s still good music.

While seeking out Dubai-based group Diligent Thought, I came across one of their sisters, a Sudan-born, Dubai-raised poet and musician who performs by the alias of Miss Lyrikal Nuisance. That we worked in the same media hub area meant we became fast friends and I learned a lot about life, the world, and that particular region, from her. I took her to the historic conservation area of Bastakiyah (a must, if you’re ever in Dubai) and got her to perform for me. There’s music by The Narcicyst, the Iraqi-Candian Dubai-based performer, as well. You can read more about it here (as well as watch the video), or just watch the video:

If you’d rather watch the YouTube version, it’s here.

Dear NMP Dr Loo Choon Yong,

You got it all wrong. In suggesting that our government introduce an extra day of work because we were evidently not making babies, despite the luxury of two whole days — TWO! Not one! Or half day! — to indulge in these baby-making duties, you forget one important thing.

There are people procreating everyday in our lovely island. It’s just that there are various reasons why the existence of two days’ conjugal possibilities do not result in an increase in the nation’s birthrate.

These reasons, I fear, you might not be able to hear without feeling shocked or awed.

Singaporeans like myself, much like the rest of the world, enjoy the idea (and the act) of sex without procreative intentions. The university you serve as a board member at, the one I attended for four years, openly sold condoms while banning the sale of cigarettes and alcohol, at the convenience stores onsite. I propose reversing the situation. Cigarette and alcohol consumption would lead to more procreating desires. We’re also worked very hard, and every SMU student is tremendously stressed at any point in the year, even two days into the start of the school term they are busy working. Then stealthily ban condoms. The school has a beautiful lawn and a abundance of erm, rooms, that students can freely rent (in exchange for points). City location. Bright students of SMU think differently. So they will think differently from the rest of the country this time and do what you want them to: procreate.

That would raise the fertility rate of our nation from 1.29 per woman to maybe 1.6, if every SMU student jumps in on it.

To then raise it to 2.1, I promise you form a national department. Let’s call it the Feedback Unit on Condom Kontrol (FUCK). This unit will strictly control condom distribution the way we only issue chewing gum at pharmacies, because rampant condom distribution is as big a threat on our economy as chewing gum on train doors is. It will have a sister unit, the Social Fertility Unit (SFU). It will plan activities for Saturday and Sunday, every weekend of the year, and it will have a graduate and non-graduate branch because, you know, we have different needs when it comes to sex. The Saturday and Sunday activities are aimed at a creating conducive atmosphere for couples (who are married, of course), to interact with each other and see each other in newly desirable light. Buffet lunches and excursions to romantic destinations together, such as to Mount Faber, helps to stir their procreative primal feelings and urges them to take cable car rides together, which then, of course, leads to babies for our nation.

Because we as Singaporeans love to listen to the mandate of our government, these initiatives will, I guarantee, bring the fertility rate to at least 1.8.

I’m afraid it might be difficult to reach 2.1, though. Go to Tanjong Pagar every Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and you’ll see why. It is full of Singaporeans like me. We love our country, and we do our very best to give your babies. In fact, I believe our procreative desires are manifested several times more than others’. That’s because Singaporeans like me quite enjoy the idea of the act of breeding although we possess no procreative talents. I try very hard, and the lack of talent was never a good reason to stop trying. But no baby comes out, and every month when my period come and I know I’ve failed, I am forlorn and upset. I don’t understand why I fail. My partner tells me we will keep trying. Even without contraceptives, the baby isn’t making itself. We procreate on most days, but Saturdays are our favourites, so I’m afraid to say I cannot rejoin the workforce on weekends — I have patriotic duties. I blame physiological reasons, not the choice of mates, and there are many like me on our happy shores. I’ve been told there is a disproportionate number of us in this country. That’s why Iv’e decided that even though I can’t help, in the tangible sense, I will show that I remember my country needs me. I am going to breed even more. And every Saturday, all of my pink brothers and sisters across the nation and out of it will do it at 9pm sharp (after dinner and after the CSI, but not before Facebook) in a synchronized act of attempted fertility. We call ourselves the SPS (Singaporeans for Procreating on Saturdays). I’ve even found a nice Chinese boy to be the father of my children, but there are existing legal issues you may need to tell Parliament to consider, on my plans for childbirth in a slightly different manner. I promise you I will give you 10 children when that happens, and thereby raise the nation’s fertility rate to an overwhelming 4.2, with my personal input.

But until that happens, every Saturday at 9pm I will give procreation my best shot. There was a time when people said that I wouldn’t make it, since I don’t have the natural resources required for that, but I might.