Dear NMP Dr Loo Choon Yong,
You got it all wrong. In suggesting that our government introduce an extra day of work because we were evidently not making babies, despite the luxury of two whole days — TWO! Not one! Or half day! — to indulge in these baby-making duties, you forget one important thing.
There are people procreating everyday in our lovely island. It’s just that there are various reasons why the existence of two days’ conjugal possibilities do not result in an increase in the nation’s birthrate.
These reasons, I fear, you might not be able to hear without feeling shocked or awed.
Singaporeans like myself, much like the rest of the world, enjoy the idea (and the act) of sex without procreative intentions. The university you serve as a board member at, the one I attended for four years, openly sold condoms while banning the sale of cigarettes and alcohol, at the convenience stores onsite. I propose reversing the situation. Cigarette and alcohol consumption would lead to more procreating desires. We’re also worked very hard, and every SMU student is tremendously stressed at any point in the year, even two days into the start of the school term they are busy working. Then stealthily ban condoms. The school has a beautiful lawn and a abundance of erm, rooms, that students can freely rent (in exchange for points). City location. Bright students of SMU think differently. So they will think differently from the rest of the country this time and do what you want them to: procreate.
That would raise the fertility rate of our nation from 1.29 per woman to maybe 1.6, if every SMU student jumps in on it.
To then raise it to 2.1, I promise you form a national department. Let’s call it the Feedback Unit on Condom Kontrol (FUCK). This unit will strictly control condom distribution the way we only issue chewing gum at pharmacies, because rampant condom distribution is as big a threat on our economy as chewing gum on train doors is. It will have a sister unit, the Social Fertility Unit (SFU). It will plan activities for Saturday and Sunday, every weekend of the year, and it will have a graduate and non-graduate branch because, you know, we have different needs when it comes to sex. The Saturday and Sunday activities are aimed at a creating conducive atmosphere for couples (who are married, of course), to interact with each other and see each other in newly desirable light. Buffet lunches and excursions to romantic destinations together, such as to Mount Faber, helps to stir their procreative primal feelings and urges them to take cable car rides together, which then, of course, leads to babies for our nation.
Because we as Singaporeans love to listen to the mandate of our government, these initiatives will, I guarantee, bring the fertility rate to at least 1.8.
I’m afraid it might be difficult to reach 2.1, though. Go to Tanjong Pagar every Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and you’ll see why. It is full of Singaporeans like me. We love our country, and we do our very best to give your babies. In fact, I believe our procreative desires are manifested several times more than others’. That’s because Singaporeans like me quite enjoy the idea of the act of breeding although we possess no procreative talents. I try very hard, and the lack of talent was never a good reason to stop trying. But no baby comes out, and every month when my period come and I know I’ve failed, I am forlorn and upset. I don’t understand why I fail. My partner tells me we will keep trying. Even without contraceptives, the baby isn’t making itself. We procreate on most days, but Saturdays are our favourites, so I’m afraid to say I cannot rejoin the workforce on weekends — I have patriotic duties. I blame physiological reasons, not the choice of mates, and there are many like me on our happy shores. I’ve been told there is a disproportionate number of us in this country. That’s why Iv’e decided that even though I can’t help, in the tangible sense, I will show that I remember my country needs me. I am going to breed even more. And every Saturday, all of my pink brothers and sisters across the nation and out of it will do it at 9pm sharp (after dinner and after the CSI, but not before Facebook) in a synchronized act of attempted fertility. We call ourselves the SPS (Singaporeans for Procreating on Saturdays). I’ve even found a nice Chinese boy to be the father of my children, but there are existing legal issues you may need to tell Parliament to consider, on my plans for childbirth in a slightly different manner. I promise you I will give you 10 children when that happens, and thereby raise the nation’s fertility rate to an overwhelming 4.2, with my personal input.
But until that happens, every Saturday at 9pm I will give procreation my best shot. There was a time when people said that I wouldn’t make it, since I don’t have the natural resources required for that, but I might.
possibly related
15 Steps To Sapphic Bliss /
Mother /
Favourite L Word Girls /
Why I Don’t Usually Talk About Anything Else /
Stop the AWARE Hijacking /
Singaporeans for Procreating on Saturdays
Dear NMP Dr Loo Choon Yong,
You got it all wrong. In suggesting that our government introduce an extra day of work because we were evidently not making babies, despite the luxury of two whole days — TWO! Not one! Or half day! — to indulge in these baby-making duties, you forget one important thing.
There are people procreating everyday in our lovely island. It’s just that there are various reasons why the existence of two days’ conjugal possibilities do not result in an increase in the nation’s birthrate.
These reasons, I fear, you might not be able to hear without feeling shocked or awed.
Singaporeans like myself, much like the rest of the world, enjoy the idea (and the act) of sex without procreative intentions. The university you serve as a board member at, the one I attended for four years, openly sold condoms while banning the sale of cigarettes and alcohol, at the convenience stores onsite. I propose reversing the situation. Cigarette and alcohol consumption would lead to more procreating desires. We’re also worked very hard, and every SMU student is tremendously stressed at any point in the year, even two days into the start of the school term they are busy working. Then stealthily ban condoms. The school has a beautiful lawn and a abundance of erm, rooms, that students can freely rent (in exchange for points). City location. Bright students of SMU think differently. So they will think differently from the rest of the country this time and do what you want them to: procreate.
That would raise the fertility rate of our nation from 1.29 per woman to maybe 1.6, if every SMU student jumps in on it.
To then raise it to 2.1, I promise you form a national department. Let’s call it the Feedback Unit on Condom Kontrol (FUCK). This unit will strictly control condom distribution the way we only issue chewing gum at pharmacies, because rampant condom distribution is as big a threat on our economy as chewing gum on train doors is. It will have a sister unit, the Social Fertility Unit (SFU). It will plan activities for Saturday and Sunday, every weekend of the year, and it will have a graduate and non-graduate branch because, you know, we have different needs when it comes to sex. The Saturday and Sunday activities are aimed at a creating conducive atmosphere for couples (who are married, of course), to interact with each other and see each other in newly desirable light. Buffet lunches and excursions to romantic destinations together, such as to Mount Faber, helps to stir their procreative primal feelings and urges them to take cable car rides together, which then, of course, leads to babies for our nation.
Because we as Singaporeans love to listen to the mandate of our government, these initiatives will, I guarantee, bring the fertility rate to at least 1.8.
I’m afraid it might be difficult to reach 2.1, though. Go to Tanjong Pagar every Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and you’ll see why. It is full of Singaporeans like me. We love our country, and we do our very best to give your babies. In fact, I believe our procreative desires are manifested several times more than others’. That’s because Singaporeans like me quite enjoy the idea of the act of breeding although we possess no procreative talents. I try very hard, and the lack of talent was never a good reason to stop trying. But no baby comes out, and every month when my period come and I know I’ve failed, I am forlorn and upset. I don’t understand why I fail. My partner tells me we will keep trying. Even without contraceptives, the baby isn’t making itself. We procreate on most days, but Saturdays are our favourites, so I’m afraid to say I cannot rejoin the workforce on weekends — I have patriotic duties. I blame physiological reasons, not the choice of mates, and there are many like me on our happy shores. I’ve been told there is a disproportionate number of us in this country. That’s why Iv’e decided that even though I can’t help, in the tangible sense, I will show that I remember my country needs me. I am going to breed even more. And every Saturday, all of my pink brothers and sisters across the nation and out of it will do it at 9pm sharp (after dinner and after the CSI, but not before Facebook) in a synchronized act of attempted fertility. We call ourselves the SPS (Singaporeans for Procreating on Saturdays). I’ve even found a nice Chinese boy to be the father of my children, but there are existing legal issues you may need to tell Parliament to consider, on my plans for childbirth in a slightly different manner. I promise you I will give you 10 children when that happens, and thereby raise the nation’s fertility rate to an overwhelming 4.2, with my personal input.
But until that happens, every Saturday at 9pm I will give procreation my best shot. There was a time when people said that I wouldn’t make it, since I don’t have the natural resources required for that, but I might.
possibly related
15 Steps To Sapphic Bliss / Mother / Favourite L Word Girls / Why I Don’t Usually Talk About Anything Else / Stop the AWARE Hijacking /