Wardrobe Malfunction
In the presence of other girls, I sometimes feel like an alien—or perhaps it feels like they are aliens, speaking an alien language, performing alien rituals, speaking about subjects completely alien to me. Why, I ask myself often, is it that they do not talk about things that are comprehensible? Things such as computers and football, last night’s match, where you can get a pint of fresh Belgian beer? Instead, because of the strange nature of things, how we came to possess anatomically similar, err, organs, I am assumed to possess such characteristics alien to me until proven utterly inept.
Such as shopping.
Shopping. On its own, nothing threatening. I can fathom it—and especially enjoy it—when it’s about shopping for camera gear and computer accessories. I can stand inside a hardware shop and admire, say, a shiny new faucet, a set of universal travel adapters, all kinds of cable extensions, power drills (though I don’t use them—so no jokes about dykes and power drills please!). But inside Zara, I’m at a loss. I go from dress to dress, searching for one which triggers the “I want this so much I want to buy it now” feeling, the one similar to how I feel when I’m holding a Canon 5D with a 24-70L in my hands. I feel nothing. I go to a top I’m told looks smashing—nada, nothing about it gives me the feeling of smashing-ness, except for how my head imagines itself against the mirror. Rather the strange ritual of queuing up in a line with 20 other women, each holding “3 pieces of garments”, then given a number tag while staff size you up on the likelihood of being a shoplifter, all of it makes me want to scream at the Zara salesgirl: what, you think I want to steal THIS thing which does absolutely nothing for me?! Every time I look at the price tags I think of what I could buy with that money. My thought process goes like this: look at price tag, register shock on face, think “for the price of this piece of satin-ish something I don’t understand, I could buy my B+W circular polariser.” My preferred shopping routine is not much different from your average straight male’s. Walk into store(s), analyze what’s on offer with one quick cursory glance, pick up series of mismatched pieces, don’t bother to try them because it’s too much of a hassle having to strip and remove my shoes only to put them back on again, buy everything I need for a year in five minutes. Of course, I’m highly aware of the strong possibilities that there are straight men out there who are better at this than I am.
Every once in a while though, I have to care, or try to. Like prom. I had willed myself not to think about prom, and its many troublesome details, until the day before. Who had time to think about hair, nails, accessories, shoes, when all I wanted was to be done with high school? Thanks to S., the straight man who is better at this than I am, I managed to turn up looking fine. He swept through the department stores and boutiques while I tagged along, still utterly uninterested, and I swear if he could he would have tried on the dresses for me, just to spare us both the agony. He bought my dress and shoes and necklaces the day before prom, and scheduled hair and nail appointments for the next afternoon. I am useless.
So. My brother gets married this weekend, and I’m half determined not to look like a tramp; the other half is inertia and resistance. Because of how I seem to live a good part of my life on the road, my wardrobe really consists of “stuff I can wear while crossing an overland border”. Most girls have wardrobes compartmentalized into stuff they can wear to the clubs, formal wear, school clothes, etc. I am not exaggerating when I say my clothes are divided into “stuff I can wear on a short bus journey”, “stuff I can wear on an overnight train in sleeper class”, “stuff I can wear on an overnight train in 3AC”, and “stuff I can wear for 40 hours continuously—on a train—and which won’t be icky until I find a hotel at 7 am after day 3 of my train ride”. I’m sure you’re all beginning to see my problem.
It’s not that I’m not interested in clothes. I just hate the process of scouting for them, and of locating them. My aim is to be rich enough to hire a personal style dictator advisor, personal shopper, and someone who lives permanently in my wardrobe and can find what I want at my command. Z succeeds on the first two counts (which is partly why I don’t look like that much of a tramp these days), but I’m not sure she’s keen on the last. One day, I promise this to all of you who feel the same way (all four of you), I will set up a reform nudist colony in a secluded island, and clothes will be banned. The only shops we will have are camera shops and computer shops. Um. I think.
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Boo. You will not find me in that island. My island will be next to yours where you’ll find comme des garcon boutiques and the likes of it by the seashore.
I totally agree with you, except that I’m not sure I’d want to live in a nudist colony with a glut of camera shops….
I know exactly what you mean. I have no idea how to pick dresses for myself either. Then again, I don’t shop for computer stuff either. I get a general idea of the specs I require, go online and search for reviews, then go straight to Sim Lim and buy it at the first shop that carries it. I am the despair of my hardware geek friends.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
My partner is always complaining that my attire is like … umm … “as if I’m going on a 40-hour bus journey”. She tells me to walk far far from her if I dress like that LOL.
yup yup… hate shopping for clothes too, especially cargo pants, since it’s so hard to find cheap and good ones these days. Would rather spend the time wondering in Sim Lim Square or even Sim Lim Tower!!!
with the dress money , i say spend it on a circular polarizer and you probably have spares for a roll of slide film and the processing cost. with prom money you can even convert to leica
Ironically, my sister gets married this weekend too and im having the same problem, can spare Z for few days? hehe :p
darling.. you know you have steve and me to go shopping with you! :)
I’m a reformed anti-clothes shopper female.
Sadly, living in the big city for a few years makes you realise (the hard way) you’re not doing yourself any favours if you don’t look passably good by everyone else’s standards.
So I think I know what it’s like on both sides of the divide. To some extent.
I miss my carefree childhood island days, when clothes didn’t matter as much. When you get that nudist colony up and running, (preferably on a lovely warm tropical island- besides Singapore) please drop me a line and count me in.
If you ever set up a reform nudist colony, do let me know. Like you, I can admire everything in a camera and computer shop.
But when it comes to shopping, I can be totally disinterested unless I am in need of new clothes or when there’s an event. So, whenever it comes to prom, I get really bad “headache”.
And yes, it feels better holding my camera than a few pieces of garments that will give me nothing except the looks.
:P
Aw sweets, ...had I come back to Singapore sooner, you coulda raided my secret stash of size 2 – 4, usually worn once only dress up dresses that I know I’ll never fit into again but cannot bare part with…still, I know that you will look fabulous whatever you choose to put on … esp. with Z helping :P Missed you.
At last a girl that understands what we men feel when our GFs/wives take us to clothing shops (even if the clothes is for us)!
Amen to your view on shopping for girlie fashion vs shopping for tech stuff, fellow geek girl! It’s nice to know I’m not alone…
Many times I’m dragged to a shop by female colleagues or friends to shop for clothes/shoes/bags and I’m always trying my best to not feel bored. If asked, “Isn’t this shoe great?” I will try to reply that it is in as interested a tone as I can manage. But put me in Funan or Sim Lim or a PC Show and I feel like a kid in a candy shop. :)
I think we’d get along; yes, I’m a girlie girl in some ways, but I’m also an obsessive sports fan and love a good pint.
I notice you’re using a Mac. Mac users don’t need to keep upgrading their Macs like PC users right? So why the constant need to look at “computers” or Mackintosh in your instance?
And why don’t you use “Macs” instead of computers when writing? I always conjure this image of PCs in my mind when I read your blog.
i just like all tech in general.
I just had to laugh when i read this entry. I identify with all of the above, except maybe the football thing (not much of a sports fan).
My wardrobe is divided into jeans, tshirts, and workclothes – 6 shirts, 2 pairs of pants; none of which require ironing. I shop for clothing once a year – when my jeans rip. During which i will top up any work shirts that start looking too ratty to wear any more. My spending money is currently reserved for camera gear, and eventually a bigger bike.
My mother asks “don’t you think it’s time you grow up and realize you’re a girl?”
:D