Popagandhi

all ye Python fans rejoice

The following was written by bloodypeasant over at Indiamike (premier resource for India travel talk). It’s a nod to the Pythons’ legendary Four Yorkshiremen sketch (see here), and it manages to capture brilliantly the Indian travel experience — one which is as amazing as it is equally absurd. In my travels around the country, it always struck me how Python-esque travelling in India can be — after meeting a number of Englishmen, I realised I wasn’t the only person who felt that way (most of us agree it’s usually Cheese Shop and sometimes Dead Parrot). Didn’t help either that a chunk of my time in India was spent stoned in our rooms with a real Yorkshireman re-watching the Flying Circus sketches and all their films. Eerily enough I can identify with ALL of the below, except the 4th part. Wink wink nudge nudge!

1st Yorkshireman
Aye, only 2 days ago me and ‘t wife made a 16 hour journey on Sleeper Class Train from Delhi to Varanasi. There was nowhere to put our luggage and the carriage was crowded with Indians all with their entire house belongings, train stopped every half hour and ‘t train was invaded by a whole army of hawkers all intent on selling just to me and ‘t wife. At night we got only a few moments sleep - because of all the snoring, people trying to snuggle up on our beds and families trying to force-feed us on all manner of curries. And we had to pay 460 rupees.

2nd Yorkshireman
SLEEP! SLEEP! LUXURY! Thou were lucky to be horizontal. We dreamed of being horizontal. 22 hours we spent on a Bus from McLeod Ganj to Udaipur. Sitting on a 2 person seat that held 4 people - our luggage on the roof and at least 45 people standing on’t bus. Mind you I use the word bus reluctantly - sheet-metal can in an oven would be a better description and we baked and baked unable to open the windows because we would let half the road in. Our water ran out after only 3 hours and we had to survive on bottles of Limca and Thumbs Up so by the end of the journey we both had developed acute diabetes. The bus only stopped 4 times and then only long enough to just WONDER if you had time to get off and have a pee. And there was no question of sleeping.

3rd Yorkshireman
LUXURY - “I dreamed of Sitting Upright. We spent 32 hours on a Super De-Luxe Luxury Sleeper Coach. The sleeper bit was a 5 foot by 4 foot by 3 foot high tin box above the seats, mattress was so dusty you could ‘ave hosted a motocross on it and u could have fed the 5,000 from the crumbs. Aye - we could lie down - if thats what you call it - lying like a foetus in a sardine can and then put in’t microwave. Driver drove at 100 kmh all the way and only ever turned wheel when bus was halfway over precipitous drop and sped up when he approached any bump or hole meaning every hundred yards or so me and wife took off, more often than not crashing into ceiling and then landing on top of each other causing all kinds of bodily injuries. When driver stopped for break it took us 5 minutes to come to our senses and then another 5 minutes to climb down bloody ladder in which time bloody driver had started off again meaning we had to ascend the ladder in to out coffin whilst bus was speeding headlong across country. 3 times I fell off ladder ending up with at least 2 hairline fractures and 1 major laceration. When journey finished we had to spend 2 weeks in Accident and Emergency Department - And what’s more we had to pay twice the going rate for privilege of travelling AND pay bloody conductor for putting our luggage in to boot.

4th Yorkshireman
You had LUGGAGE - you had it bloody easy lad. MARDY! Back in 1969 we had to sell all our clothes and belongings to travel on’t Magic Bus and all we had to eat was a box of stale out of date corn flakes that we’d found in a bin and a few magic mushrooms we’d found on the roadside. When we started I weighed 8 1/2 stone and by time we’d finished I’d lost 11 stone. Journey took 41 weeks longer than planned and bus broke down for longer than ‘t was on road. There were 47 people crammed in to a space made for 12 along with 2 herds of goats 13 Llamas and a 14 foot stone Buddah. As for keeping things on’t roof - by the time we were half way through Europe we dreamed of having a roof - in fact we dreamed of having wheels. We were attacked 17 times by Afghan tribesmen and to this date everyone of us suffers from acute shell shock if not shrapnel wounds and then we had to pay Afghan tribesmen for ‘t privilege of travelling through their lands. When we arrived at Indian Border we had to bribe border police with equivalent of 6 years salary meaning we ‘ad only 2 rupees left to travel the subcontinent - we stayed for 4 years.”

Other 3 Yorkshiremen
Aye and you tell that to the kids of tday and they don’t believe a word.