Popagandhi

I don’t have a birthday wishlist. However, after being repeatedly pressured by friends and family who either (1) really really really want to give their cousin/friend/niece a present she likes for her 21st next weekend, or (2) don’t want to be embarrassed at the party when I open their present with a blank look on my face (most probably the second), I’ve been told: “Can you please blog about what you want so we know what to buy.” Yes ma’am.

What about I tell you what I don’t want? That makes life so much easier for us. I don’t want any clothes. Shoes. Jewellery. Nope. I don’t want anything I can wear, or put on my ears or around my wrist and neck. I don’t know what to do with them.

In other words, guiding principle #1: Don’t buy me something you want. I won’t like it.

What do I like then? I like stupid things. Like vouchers. Like anything with batteries. Things I can put into my ear, not on them (hint: earphones, like a Westone UM1). Specifically: Apple store vouchers (if you must know, from iShop please, not the other retailer). Jetstar Asia vouchers. Book/CD/DVD vouchers, not too hot. I am running out of space to store those items. Ideally I would ask for things like camera leather and camera straps (don’t shoot me, I’m a nerd). But yeah.

In other words, guiding principle #2: Vouchers. Things with batteries. Vouchers to buy things with batteries. Jetstar Asia vouchers are very very good and will make me beam a megawatt smile. I went out for a long time with someone whose belief was: birthday presents are for functional things you want, Christmas gifts are for frivolous, nice items nobody needs. We stuck to that and those were among the happiest years of my life. So remember, this is a birthday, and functional things.

If you’re close enough to be invited to the party, you should know what a slob I am (every episode of friends-coming-over could be an episode of Queer Eye for the Queer Girl). I don’t really… shall I say, give a shit about the surroundings I’m in. Sad but true. Giving me nice household items, like candles, lamps, and uh, other decorative schtuff, isn’t going to inspire me to do something about it. Sad but true. I will appreciate birthday bouquets for something like, 2 minutes, before I panic about what to do with them. So don’t waste your time thinking of what flowers to buy. I have no eye for them. I hate flowers. Sorry.

Guiding principle #3: No decorative items. No decorative items. No decorative or household items.

It’s going to be a tiny gathering for the family and friends I love. So the best birthday present you can give (after vouchers), is your presence.

In other news, I have only 7 days to lose weight, shape up, just to look good enough in birthday photos because according to some people “you don’t want to look back at your 21st birthday party and hate how you look.” So. I’m totally working on that. Totally.

Birthday Exchange 1

Mum: “Now that your daughter is turning 21, maybe it’s time for you to hand over the key to the ‘chastity belt’, eh?”

Dad: “There’re no keys. There never was a chastity belt.”

Me: (shuffle uncomfortably)

Dad: “Is it going to be on your blog tonight?”