Pseudo Purity

(shamelessly mimicking “Agagooga”:http://gssq.blogspot.com/ and “Tym”:http://toomanythoughts.org/blog/)

Start off with 100% and minus off 1% for each thing that has happened to you.

Smoked.
Drank alcohol.
Cried when someone died.
Been drunk.
Had sex.
Been to a concert.
Given a handjob/gotten a handjob.
Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.
Been verbally sexually harassed.
Verbally sexually harassed somebody.
Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Been to prom.
Cried at school.
Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
Went streaking.
Given a lap dance.
Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
Slept over at someone of the opposite sex’s house.
Kissed a stranger.
Hugged a stranger.
Went scuba diving.
Driven a car.
Gotten an xray.
Hit by a car.
Had a party.
Done drugs.
Played strip poker.
Got paid to strip for someone.
Ran away from home.
Broken a bone.
Eaten sushi.
Bought porn.
Watched porn.
Made porn.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
Been in love.
Frenched kissed.
Laughed so hard you cried.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Laughed yourself to sleep.
Stabbed yourself.
Shot a gun.
Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
Watched an animal die.
Watched a person die.
Had sex and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
Pranked somebody.
Put somebody in the hospital.
Snuck into someone’s room and/or your own room after being out.
Kissed somebody of the same sex.
Dressed punk.
Dressed goth.
Dressed preppy.
Been to a motocross race.
Avoided somebody.
Been stalked.
Stalked someone.
Met a celebrity.
Played an instrument.
Ridden a horse.
Cut yourself.
Bungee jumped.
Ding dong ditched somebody.
Been to a wild party.
Got caught stealing something.
Kicked a guy in the balls.
Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
Went out with your friend’s crush.
Got arrested.
Been pregnant.
Babysat.
Been to another country.
Started your house on fire.
Had an encounter with a ghost.
Donated your hair to cancer patients.
Been asked out by someone that you never though you’d to be asked out by.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.
Sat on your ass all day.
Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
Had a job.
Gotten cut from a sports team.
Been called a whore.
Danced like a whore.
Been mistaken for a celebrity.
Been in a car accident.
Been told you have beautiful eyes.
Been told you have beautiful hair.
Raped somebody.
Danced in the rain.
Been rejected.
Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
Punched someone/slapped someone in the face

Am a bit ashamed to reveal the score but let’s just say it’s in the mid twenties. I actually had to copy the stuff I hadn’t done into a text editor, and give them line numbers. Of course I can’t say what they are.

My gay male friend was telling me about some new developments.

Him: “I only wanted to talk and watch movies and cuddle!”
Me: “Hmm. Yeah..”
Him: “Then after that I didn’t know if I should have said anything.. but isn’t it natural that you’d want to know what the status of the relationship is like after all that?”
Me: “Erm.. no?”
Him: “I was just so happy to look into his eyes..”
Me: “You’re such a lesbian.”
Him: “You’re such a gay man!”

My handwriting is so bad. I don’t usually pity myself for that. But during an exam, I always hate myself for the lack of legibility.

“Government instability” becomes “government lustability”.
“Income parity” looks more like “income panty”.

After about 14 years of examinations (continuously), I’ve come to notice that no matter where you are or what school you go to, people are always reacting in the same way right before an exam, and you have to stop yourself from strangling them.

There’re those people whose brains seem indefinitely lodged between their cheeks, and in order to think they have to talk. They take it upon themselves to recount the entire syllabus in minute detail, so much so that I’m sure if the text had included a photograph of what researchers were wearing during an experiment, they might just say “yah and then Stanley Milgram was wearing a tweed suit when he performed his experiments on obedience.”
Key characteristic: female.

There’re the question-spotters. “So what do you think will come out?” “Well, institutionalization came out for last year’s exam right? I think the identification questions will be.. and the essays will be on presidential systems.” You know, those people who seem to somehow know what questions came out for the last five or ten years (I can’t even remember what my midterm was about! or where to find past year questions! or what the importance of past year questions is!), and who have formed some kind of spiritual bond with lecturers, such that they can tell with foresight what will appear in the next 5 minutes.
Key characteristic: female.

Worst of all: people who like to discuss questions and compare answers after the paper is over. If you’ve got it wrong, you’ve got it wrong. If my friends all got a different answer, I like to think that it doesn’t mean I’m wrong. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it after the fact! So stop yakking into my ears!
Key characteristic: female.

It goes without saying that the female toilets before and after examinations play home to all these types.

After every exam, my arm always seem in danger of detaching itself from my body. Today is no different.

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